40-year-old threatens divorce when wife refuses to change her "aesthetic" from black, basic outfits to floral dresses, claims he is losing attraction: "Is he having some type of midlife crisis?"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Feb 4, 2025 3:00 PM EST

Hola, chicas. Would you start a long-term relationship with someone who has a very different personal style than you? Most people likely wouldn't mind unless the style in question was very extreme, time-consuming, expensive, and more of a hobby — think Victorian Gothic or Japanese Gyaru style. It takes a lot of confidence to pull off some more distinct fashion looks, and many potential partners can be put off by the mere thought of walking down the street and holding hands with an eye-catching individual. Still, if one person in a relationship prefers to wear colorful clothes and the other prefers to sport more basic fits, both within the culturally acceptable fashions of the time and location, there shouldn't be a problem. 

In our story today, a man threatens divorce over his wife's dark clothing style. She has dressed this way since the day they met, and now, 15 years into their marriage, he is strongly insisting that she change up her look to match his more colorful palette. To find out where this man gets the audacity, scroll down below!

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  • 01

    My (39f) husband (39m) wants me to change the way I dress

    "He said he was losing attraction to me because he wants more of a soft and colorful aesthetic now"
    via Oleg Gekman

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    So as the title says, my husband wants me to change the way I dress but I am not ok with it. We have been together 15 years married for 10 and since the first day we met Ive dress this way!
    via Reddit
  • 03
    I wear black, I don't like wearing colour and I never have even as a child. I'm not goth or emo or anything like that (nothing against the alt styles, it's just not for me with all the accessories and makeup etc), I wear pretty average outfits like jeans and a nice top or skirts or dresses etc and my make up has always been more neutral colours.
    via Reddit
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10463520256
    via Oliver Childs

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    My husband has been throwing comments at me for a while now like "it's summer and youre still wearing black" or "it's a wedding why the black?" Just constant little digs (for context with the wedding comment, it was my friend getting married and I asked her if it was ok for me to wear black and she said absolutely as it was who I was and she expected I'd wear black anyway).
    via Reddit
  • 06
    I finally asked him last night what his problem was after a comment about my nightie. He said he would appreciate it if I would finally start dressing better.....I asked what he meant and he said "you know colour and florals etc like a girl"
    via Reddit
  • 07
    I told him straight that a) I'm not a girl I'm a woman and b) Ive been like this since he met me, I haven't changed and I always take pride in my appearance so I won't be changing now because im happy with how I dress, black is my happy colour!
    via Reddit
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10463520768
    via khunkorn

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    He said he was losing attraction to me because he wants more of a soft colourful aesthetic now. That p ed me off and admittedly I snapped and told him that if his attraction to me after 15 years has boiled down to the colour of my PJs we have bigger issues than my wardrobe.
    via Reddit

  • She's so right. There is something going on under the surface, and he is using the clothing as an excuse.

  • 10
    And now he's not talking to me. And I'm completely lost as to what to do about this because it's just so weird to me. I know I shouldnt have snapped at him but I don't want to change myself for anyone let alone someone who was plenty accepting of me for
    via Reddit
  • 11
    this long. But I also don't want to lose my marriage over clothing and I don't want to constantly be at war over this. How do I talk to him or what do I say to explain to him that I don't want to change my style or appearance and that he's hurt me? Am I being to stubborn and should just change my style for sake of peace?
    via Reddit
  • 12
    Straight Career6856 Sounds like it's time for a conversation about the state of your relationship. This is a weird issue to come out all of a sudden. I'd ask him where it came from, what's going on, if something is wrong or not working for him in your relationship. Obviously don't stop wearing black and start wearing pastels - but I doubt it's about the black. There is definitely something bigger going on here.
    via u/Straight_Career6856
  • 13
    [deleted] OP That's what I'm feeling too. It's just such an odd issue to pop up after all these years. And no I won't be wearing pastels, love them for people who love them but it's just not for me haha.
    via Reddit
  • 14
    galaxystarsmoon He probably has a new model that wears florals and pink like a girl.
    via u/galaxystarsmoon
  • 15
    No_Medicine3370 you guys are close to 40. have you considered that he might be having some type of super weird mid life crisis or something? usually when that happens people buy a sports car or motorcycle not nitpick their wife's clothing. idk, very weird. you are right tho. if his attraction to you has boiled down to the color of your PJs you def have bigger issues.
    via u/No_Medicine3370
  • 16
    [deleted] OP I did wonder that. But he's already got all the big toys and has had for years so I guess if it is a midlife crisis he has to find a different outlet for it?
    via Reddit
  • 17
    mamabearette If he likes colors and florals, he should wear colors and florals.
    via u/mamabearette
  • 18
    [deleted] OP He does. One of his fav t-shirts is a nice pink/ purple striped pattern lol.
    via Reddit

  • Maybe he just wants to match with her… Also, maybe I'm giving him too much credit!

  • 19
    shirleysparrow Love that for him. Not your problem though!
    via u/shirleysparrow
  • 20
    Obvious_Fox_1886 You already told him and hes having a hissy fit about it....if you like black or darker colors then NO you shouldnt have to change... he married you knowing your choice of color. I love bright crazy colors and I had been told I was too old so I got crazier colors...lol
    via u/Obvious_Fox_1886
  • 21
    [deleted] OP I love this! Be the full rainbow all day everyday! Because it makes you happy. And that's what is important.
    via Reddit
  • 22
    DoodleLover20 This reminds me so much of the post from the woman whose husband was upset that she spent her fun money on a gaming setup, then b tched that she didn't dress up often enough. Turned out he was having an affair with someone who dressed up.
    via u/DoodleLover20
  • 23
    dodogirl445 Exactly what I was thinking 100 He's probably cheating on her, or has someone in mind.
    via u/dodogirl445
  • 24
    Sailor_V3nus Possibly there are other women at work, girlfriends/ wives of friends or family members, or social media that he is attracted to and comparing you to them.
    via u/Sailor_V3nus
  • 25
    Also I think being in a relationship for so long, yall might need to spice things up and he's nitpicking at the wrong thing. I would just give him some time to cool off, but this is a conversation that shouldn't be brushed off. He is pointing something out that is much deeper than you think.
    via u/Sailor_V3nus
  • 26
    [deleted] OP There may be another woman but it would have to be online. We live and work together and most of the women in our life are much the same as me. We have a good relationship I thought, we go out regularly, we have (usually) great communication, active bedroom etc.
    via Reddit

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long term relationship fashion marriage Female Empowerment wife reddit story married life relationships husband couples love entitled reddit thread red flag Reddit aesthetic
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